DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
