Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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