accomplished twins. life is a go
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
