I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
