I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
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What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
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Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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