ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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