that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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