nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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