My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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