I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
