Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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