She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
