Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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