Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
