Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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