I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The air was thick with penises
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
