i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
they need to just BURY HIM!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The air was thick with penises
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
