What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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