please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
