Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
