You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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