and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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