I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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