did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
