So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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