what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
