I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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