he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
