I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
