Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
