you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
