i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
