I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
