the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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