why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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