oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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