I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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