dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
