can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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