I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
