I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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