i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
