connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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