they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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