Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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