No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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