I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
