is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
