Kiss
Puke
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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