just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
