The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think your dad took our porno
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
