So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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