I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
