It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
