all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
