When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
