He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She's JV to your varsity
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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