I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
