He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
