My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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