Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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