She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
