My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
