Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
