I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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