There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Enjoy the penises
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
