Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
