Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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