I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
