How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no you cant smoke seaweed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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