there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
