I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
