I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
