To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
