I just threw up on my dentist
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
