You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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