I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
