I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
