matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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